Blah

I've been in a funk lately and I can't seem to shake it.

The root cause of it is that I'm at a contract transition point with my IT consulting job. This engagement is ending and the next one is unknown. I'm feeling a lot of pressure to ensure paycheck continuity, yet the person who arranges my engagements is leaving the consulting firm I'm with. What happens to me? I don't know, but I fear I will be forgotten in the shuffle.

There are a lot of things I like about consulting mainly related to quality of life. I'm not sure any of them outweigh the risk of being "on the bench" without a job for an unknown period of time, potentially at frequent intervals.

Compounding the situation is the fact that I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I was forced into this field and soon became entrapped by the salary it commands. But am I passionate about it? Some of it, yes. Much of it, no. The last job I truly enjoyed was over ten years ago. I've lost a lot of skills and confidence since then.

I'd really like to go back to school and earn a Masters degree. The program I like is expensive however which brings me right back to the issue of how I'm going to earn a living in the immediate future. And adds the issue of how I will find the time for a graduate program while working full time, raising a family, and trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

Sigh. It sucks being an adult.