Am I prohibited from participating in amateur events now?

Let me set the stage - I learned to golf as an adult. It does not feel natural and I imagine I look a bit like an out-of-control windmill. If windmills had big thighs. A good 90% of the time that I hit the ball, I either miss it entirely or it rolls about four inches.

And that's as good as it got when I actually used to play fairly regularly...

Since I was pregnant with Taz nine years ago, I've barely swung a club. The first time was at the driving range at our family reunion in July, when Rainbow critiqued my swing and actually gave me some great tips. She also did a pretty entertaining imitation of my form, with her little butt sticking way out. It looked like a combo golf swing/dance move. And I'm sure her imitation had far more style than my actual move.

The next day, Scouter and I played in a couples tournament. It was totally my style - our foursome of two couples competed against another foursome in a best ball format. That means we all hit our shot, then we picked up our ball and carried it to the best player's location to hit again. The pro told us that ladies are allowed to tee all our drive and fairway shots. Since I have a tendency to top everything, this was beautiful for me. We didn't use many of my shots, but I didn't humiliate myself either.

A few days later, Scouter, the kids and I played a par 3. I could not have played worse. Or cared less. Rainbow and I bailed after the front nine. My only regret is that I was such a poor example to her. But we had fun.

So fast forward a couple months, and somehow I got roped into playing in a work event. I was suckered in by a smooth talker who told me they wanted a woman on every team and that it was all for fun. He said his goal was to make all the other business teams wish they worked for us because we were having so much fun. Hey I can do that. My commitment was to hit a drive when the women's tee offered a significant advantage, putt first, drink beer, and have fun.

Turns out, I was the only woman who played for my company. In general there were not many women at the event other than the beer wenches. I was paired, thankfully, with three guys I know. But I didn't know they were expert golfers! One guy played in college and the other two must play a lot. Even when I had a big advantage on the tee and the dumb luck to hit a decent shot (for me), theirs were better. I didn't even bother to hit any fairway shots.

Somehow I managed to get my tee shot on the green on the par 3 that was the closest to the hole pin for the women. I overshot the pin by a good 30 feet but the guys on my team encouraged me to fill in my name and location anyway. The green was long and narrow, so maybe no other woman would get on it. I have to admit, I thought it was laughable.

We played on, and I even drank a few beers. For awhile, they even made my play better. Or perhaps they just made me think I was playing better. No matter...

After the round, there was a cookout and an awards ceremony. We finished at nine under and the winner was something like 18 under. There was much speculation about cheating. We left before the awards.

Later that night, my neighbor came over to deliver my prize. Lo and behold, I won closest to the pin for the women! I got a nice plaque and a $50 gift certificate to the golf club.

I've got a huge golf bug right now.

And I bet Annika Sorenstam is pretty nervous.
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