Camping Sucks

So last weekend, Rainbow had her first scheduled Brownie camping trip.

To be entirely accurate, her troop went last year but I had school that weekend and Scouter and Taz were Cub Scout camping. So we sent Rainbow with the boys. To hear her tell it now, she was kicking and screaming but in actuality, she was excited and had a great time. That child loves to camp.

What she doesn't particularly like is sleepovers, so I didn't want to send her by herself. Even though this camping trip was the same weekend as my favorite party of the year, the Comfort Zone fall bash. And my high school reunion. Although truth be told, I wasn't too terribly sad to miss that one.

I on the other hand believe that roughing it involves a hotel without a spa. Or with only four stars.

Camping is not my thing.

I begrudgingly committed to go on this particular camping trip on Friday night only. I admit, I was imagining that I would somehow be able to escape on Saturday morning, go on a bike ride and then attend the Comfort Zone bash with all my girlfriends. However, as the week wore on, I felt more and more delusional. Aided and abetted by Scouter telling me how much Rainbow wanted me to go and anything else he could think of to feed my guilt.

Friday came. It had been pouring rain the entire previous night and most of the day. Many other, wiser campers opted to skip Friday night. Yet Rainbow's troop headed off to camp. I met them at the camp site as they were eating dinner at a frigid outdoor picnic shelter. When I walked up to her table, Rainbow could barely be bothered to acknowledge me. "Oh hi Mom," she said in a lethargic tone of voice before she continued her conversation with friends. I stood there for a few minutes but when no further recognition was forthcoming, I joined the other moms. As I was chatting, Rainbow came over and I thought she was going to hug me. She tenderly leaned into my ear and whispered sweetly, "Whatever you do, Mom, DO NOT embarrass me."

Okay then.

So glad I came.

The evening really never improved. Although there were s'mores involved so it wasn't all bad.

We finally headed to the cabins which were very rustic - essentially thin boards and a roof. We were in the farthest possible cabin from the bathrooms, it was still raining and cold. I was grateful that at least we weren't sleeping in tents.

I probably slept some that night but it really didn't feel like it. Between the rain drumming against the roof and the movements of 16 bodies in our cabin, it was hard to fall asleep or stay asleep. One little girl became hysterical because her mother wasn't there and Rainbow needed help a couple times, bringing me to the harsh realization that I would indeed have to stay another night. At one point, she popped her eyes open, looked at me, and in a super-excited voice said, "Isn't this great?" At my expression of what could only have been horror, she quickly added, "Well, at least not terrible?"

The next morning dawned cold and drizzly for a pleasant change. I slogged through a couple of activities, all the while being either totally ignored or barely tolerated by my child. I finally decided that putting up with an entire day of this shit would make me very cranky by evening. And Martyr Di is not fun to be around.

So I left. Rainbow actually seemed momentarily disappointed although she quickly lost interest in me when I told her I was coming back. I came home, went on a four mile run, took a very long very hot shower, did some cooking, hung out with Taz, and then laid on the couch and read a book for awhile. It was a relaxing and enjoyable afternoon. Only with great reluctance - and prodding by Scouter - did I head back to camp.

When I arrived, one of Rainbow's buddies saw me and went running into the mess hall (I guess that's what it's called in camping lingo?), yelling, "Rainbow, your mom is here!" She actually ran out and hugged me. I was pathetically grateful.

Saturday night was more tolerable as more Girl Scout troops were there and I knew more of the moms. We hung out by the indoor camp fire and chatted while the girls played games and songs. If only wine were allowed, it might even have been enjoyable. Alas much too soon it was time to return to the heinous cabins for another miserable night of light sleep and loud noises.

The night was at least uneventful. When we awoke the next day, I was ready to bail. But no. We had to march to breakfast as a troop, wait for everyone, and then clean our shit hole - I mean cabin - and perform our assigned cleaning duty. These efforts took an inordinately long time during which very little was accomplished.

When we could finally escape, Rainbow begged for one of her friends to ride with us. I admit, I was hanging by a string at this point. When they complained about the music on my car radio, I huffily snapped it off.

All the while, I was plotting the next camping trip, thinking to myself that it would really only be necessary for Rainbow and I to come Saturday during the day. She wouldn't miss anything.

Then I asked her what her favorite part of camping was. Without hesitation, she exclaimed "S'mores!" I asked her second favorite thing and after a moment, she said, "Sleeping in the cabin!"

Dammit dammit dammit all to hell.

I should have learned by now to stop when I'm ahead.

Camping sucks.
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